The Evil Kitty Online

The string is a very tasty piece of string. It’s dangly, and just hanging there. I must eat it. I must chew it. It is addictive. Give me more!

Yes!! Chewing.. delicious.

Eeek!! the string caught me! Help me!! Don’t just stand there and laugh!

Now you, my lovely humans, you are so easy to fool. All except for that foolish Rachael. But when I one day take over the world, she will rue the day she decided that I should only get four tasty kitty treats everyday! Now you might think I’m being spoilt; four treats everyday are a whole lot! but it’s not. it can never be enough. I will always want more.

The thing to do, is to ask different people in your household for treats, at different times of the day! And don’t bother asking when they’re in a group. Single that sucker out and act as if you don’t get fed. Your piercing little cries will annoy them, and make them pay attention to you. And do whatever it is to make you stop.

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There are many and varied reasons for me turning evil. One of them, is the way I am treated. With utter disregard for my feelings. I get rough-housed and people keep mussing up my fur, just running their fingers through and rumpling it up. I know that my fur is really nice, and soft, and totally touchable; but that doesn’t mean that I want you to pet me.

I suppose it’s all my fault really… I keep licking and cleaning my fur, keeping it spiff and span. I even lick my butt! However, I’m a cat. That’s what cat’s do. It’s ingrained in me! I just can’t stop doing it. For you techy types out there that still don’t understand.. it’s in my programming.

Another way of making my fur not touchably soft is to eat a less balanced diet. However, I have no choice in that matter. I wish I did.. but if I do not want to have to hunt for my own food, I’m going to have to eat the grub they put out for me.

It’s my special Kitty Food. I won’t say which brand, because they sometimes spice it up and change brands sometimes. However I get a nice set of dry cat-food, and I can go and eat it at any time I want! Can you imagine? An open ended buffet! And I don’t have to pay! it’s so amazing. I also get my water. WATER THAT TASTES SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT FROM THE ONE IN THE TOILET BOWL. But it’s water all the same. Also, Rachael is more apt to kiss me if she thinks I don’t drink from the toilet bowl.. so if you don’t tell…

Anyways back on to the reasons why I’m evil. I’m evil because I’m treated terribly! Once, when Rachael was in the bathtub, and I was a young-un, I was running all over the bathroom, batting at the suds that peeked out like crazy. She was like enveloped in white suds! it was so awesome. But then I slipped on the ledge.. and I FELL IN!!!!

And do you know what that dog Rachael did? She started giggling! There I was, half my backside covered in soapy water; you’d best believe I’d managed to scramble out of the tub, no help from Rachael at all… And she laughed at me! It was horrible! I licked myself dry, and swore never to go with her in the bathroom again.